A Little Surprise

This morning began as all mornings, nothing particularly special. Until Michaela entered the house after feeding the cats with a shriek. Now Michaela does not usually enter the house with a shriek (and our cat already had its kittens) so Grace and I immediately drew our attention to Michaela. Michaela instantly declared "There's a dead opossum in our bird food container!!!!" There was a brief moment of silence, and then my mother noted the obvious "Well get it out of there." Of course, I, the "man of the house" was instantly selected for this glorious and envious task. My first decision was to make sure that this opossum was dead. I armed myself with a pitchfork. I carefully prodded the opossum with the pitchfork, the opossum didn't even flinch. Obviously it was dead (right?). Of course, I wasn't about to stick my hand in there gloves or no gloves. So I brought the container out into the light. Our little surprise suddenly turned into two. Now I had two dead opossums on my hand, and two sisters giving pointless commentary on the whole proceedings. Still not wanting to touch them, I decided on the course of dumping the whole container into our cistern. Fortunately, (for the opossums) I noticed one was breathing. Although I am a homeschooler, I'm positive I learned somewhere that dead things don't have a tendency to breathe. I prodded the opossum once again to make sure, to my great consternation the only movement it did was breathe. (And people think I'm a heavy sleeper). I turned the can sideways, still no movement. After about ten jabs with the pitchfork, one opened its eyes, and the other moved its leg. After another ten jabs, they were both making definite action to get out of the can . . . the wrong way, through the bottom of the container. (Just to make sure you know there is no opening in the bottom of a container). Finally I managed to get them out, and sent them scurrying out of the yard each with an extra jab. Then turning to his sister Sir Joshua, Opossums-bane, quoth "Now I leave thee to clean out the can." Thus ends the narrative.