There are two parties involved. The offended and the offender. I will deal with each separately. As in the previous post I will base the steps on principles set forth by Jesus either directly or through representatives speaking for Him.
The offended.
These principles are not necessarily meant to be applied in order but there is a little bit of intent in the order presented.
Principle 1. Jesus speaking through one of His closest followers and half-brother James says “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” I have a white acquaintance who also knows my son. At the time of this post my son is in his mid twenties and this acquaintance is well aware of his age. Invariably when I see this acquaintance he says “How’s your boy?” Decades ago referring to a grown black man as a boy would be offensive. In this case, when I apply Principle 1, I understand that this is part of his vernacular. He refers to every friend’s son as a boy and when asking about a daughter he says “How’s your girl?” no matter the age of the man or woman. By applying Principle 1 I don’t take offense. I don’t even say “He’s a man now”. I just answer the question and continue with the conversation.
What if after applying Principle 1 it is obvious that there is reason for to be offended?
Principle 2. Jesus says “ . . . and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors . . . For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
There are three words that are similar that I would like to distinguish. Mercy, forgiveness and pardon.
Mercy is needed when someone has ill-will towards you and has the ability to do you harm. For instance, if a two-year old has purposed to do me harm, most likely I won’t feel the need to ask for mercy because there is no real threat of harm. On the other hand, if the person wishing to harm me is a 6’3” 250 lbs. (1.9m, 113.4kg) athlete, then I have a need to ask for mercy.
When someone causes me to experience anger or wrath, then I need to forgive.
A pardon is a legal term for when the record of a person’s crime has been removed along with the punishments to which it is associated. This usually done by the executive order of a leader in a government.
There cannot be reconciliation without the foundation being that the offended forgives. This must happen whether or not the offender asks for forgiveness. The initiator in forgiveness must be the offended.
Principal 3. Jesus says “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you . . . For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? . . . And if you greet only your brothers, [and sisters, i.e. friends] what more are you doing than others?”
Jesus also says through his former enemy Paul “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all . . . if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink . . . Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
The person who projects hate or ill-will should be treated with the same treatment as a best friend.
Principal 4. Paul again speaking for Jesus says “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’
Jesus’ representative Habakuk says “For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.
After applying the first three principles, wait
The offender.
Principal 1. Jesus states “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
It is not possible to come to God if an offense is knowingly unresolved.
What is the best way to resolve and reconcile?
Principal 2. Jesus says through Paul “For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do.
A little background is in order. Simply put, Jews have a strict diet and non-Jews do not. This was causing friction at he time of this statement.
That means if there is something that can be removed or an aspect of lifestyle that can be altered, make the change.
These principles are actually laws. Just as there are laws governing the physical universe, there are also laws that govern our relationship with each other. Just like the physical laws (e.g. gravity) these laws are universal and absolute because they are ordained by our creator. If we do not respect and understand gravity, it will bring about our ruin. It is the same with these principles.
In conclusion, if you think these seem hard, you’re wrong. Their impossible. Only God can give the guidance and strength to apply these effectively. Check out my first post here about taking the first step.
Next. Why I don’t associate with Black Lives Matter, or All Lives Matter for that matter. (that was kind of a pun)
